I Need This Crazy Clown Drug Stat

Huff Post-Authorities are warning the public of the dangers posed by a drug commonly marketed as “Crazy Clown,” after the substance was blamed for sending eight people to the hospital. In a news release posted by WSAV, Effingham County Sheriff’s Office spokesperson David Ehsanipoor said late last week “at least eight patients in Southeast Georgia have been hospitalized” and some have been put in intensive care or put on life support. “The [Centers For Disease Control] is now investigating, concerned about effect of “Crazy Clown” on other users across the country,” Ehsanipoor said. “Right now, all we can do is issue a warning until we obtain further results regarding the ingredients.” WTOC reports that the drug, which is “most commonly smoked or burned in a small bowl and inhaled,” is a form of synthetic marijuana. Brunswick, Ga., resident Jason Hedegard described what he saw after his nephew and his friends tried the drug. “Three girls foaming out the mouth. One rolling around on the ground and my nephew couldn’t walk,” Hedegard told WJBF.

I need some of this crazy clown shit and I need it yesterday. I didn’t even know it until today, but apparently I’m a huge pussy. I’ve never once foamed at the mouth from anything I’ve smoked, so I guess that makes me a grade A square. I know synthetic marijuana has been around for a while, but crazy clown has obviously kicked it up a notch. 8 hospitalizations in a week? That’s what you call putting the drug game on notice. Somebody get me some of this shit on the double because I am damn tired of having the ability to use my limbs. Trying to smoke a bowl and have a seizure before some bully gives me a wedgie and a swirley for being a dipshit.

Anthony Weiner’s Sexting Partner Probably Has HIV Now

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Sydney Leathers may have been exposed to HIV while filming her porn debut, Gawker reports. Leathers, Anthony Weiner’s former sexting partner, had unprotected sex with actor Xander Corvus for the just-released film “Weiner and Me.” Before “Weiner and Me,” Corvus had unprotected sex with Cameron Bay for a movie called “Public Disgrace,” filmed at the end of July. Bay confirmed to AVN on Wednesday that she tested positive for HIV, causing the porn industry to call for a moratorium on filming immediately. Leathers told Gawker that she and Corvus were both tested before shooting their sex scene, and both tested negative. She also said that a test after filming the scene returned negative for HIV. According to the Centers for Disease Control, however, test results within three months of exposure could be false.

Looks like Weiner finally caught a break with this one. Guy has absolutely been getting massacred for doing something so totally ok that it should be in the constitution. If you are on your phone texting and not sexting you are all sorts of gay. Actually scratch that even gayballs know how to sext. You are just a pussy or something. Whatever, the point is that what goes around comes around. You expose a high profile politician for sending a few dick pics to your skanky ass, you get AIDS. Karma’s a beautiful bitch. Definitely a lot hotter than this freak. Seriously Weiner do better than this…

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New “Boyfriend Tracker” App In Brazil Is Scary As Shit

Huff Post: The app, called “Rastreador de Namorados” (Portuguese for Boyfriend Tracker), promises to act like a “private detective in your partner’s pocket.” Functions include sending the person doing the tracking updates on their partner’s location and forwarding duplicates of text message traffic from the targeted phone. There is even a command that allows a user to force the target phone to silently call their own, like a pocket dial, so they can listen in on what the person is saying.

First off thank god Google App Store just took this off the market, but undoubtedly it will be back with a new name. This basically will end any shot I have of ever busting a nut again. As soon as the girlfriend hides this in my phone somewhere it’s blue ball city for the rest of my life. Not only will she not fuck me, but now I can’t even drive around the corner to look up porn and jerk off without her silently calling my phone and hearing what sounds like me getting it on with some other chick. Sorry the sounds of Sasha Grey getting double penetrated makes it seem like I’m having an affair honey, but a guys gotta unload sometime. Can’t have that shit piling up in there, that’s how injuries happen and careers get ruined. So fuck you boyfriend tracker I hope you stay in Brazil.

No Fucking Way! Ryan Braun Admits Using Steroids

AP: A month after acknowledging only that he made “mistakes,” Ryan Braun admitted taking performance-enhancing drugs during his NL MVP season of 2011. The suspended Milwaukee slugger said he took a cream and a lozenge containing banned substances while rehabilitating an injury. “It was a huge mistake for which I am deeply ashamed and I compounded the situation by not admitting my mistakes immediately,” Braun said in a statement released by the Brewers.

I don’t believe this for a second! No way Ryan Braun did steroids. This is coming in hot out of fucking left field for me!! Seriously though remember when people cared about this shit? Steroids aren’t just ok now, they are the tits. The same thing Barry Bonds and Roger Clemons got absolutely crucified for a few years ago is going to get Ryan Braun an obligatory suspension and a few repentant commercial deals. If ever a sport had it all under control it’s the MLB helmed by Bud Selig. Just giving the fans exactly what they crave time and again. Selig For President!!

Of Course Obama’s In Favor Of Legalizing Pitbulls Everywhere

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Huff Post: Tails are wagging in Washington this week. Not only did the Obama family introduce Sunny the puppy to her adoring country, but the White House also came out against breed-specific legislation — regulations and laws that restrict ownership of dogs by breed, pit bulls being the most common target. Groups like the American Bar Association have said for years that these sorts of restrictions do harm — to families, to dogs, to due process and to the economy — without actually improving public safety. Based on a statement that the White House put out about a week ago, it would seem that Obama agrees. “Breed-Specific Legislation Is a Bad Idea” begins the White House’s official response to an online petition, signed by more than 30,000 people, asking for laws that target dogs by breed to be outlawed at a federal level. Obama’s statement doesn’t speak to federal legislative efforts. But, the White House does adopt the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s community-based ideas for better methods of improving public safety:

We don’t support breed-specific legislation — research shows that bans on certain types of dogs are largely ineffective and often a waste of public resources…As an alternative to breed-specific policies, the CDC recommends a community-based approach to prevent dog bites. And ultimately, we think that’s a much more promising way to build stronger communities of pets and pet owners.

Lisa LaFontaine, who is president of the Washington Humane Society (which received a donation from the Obamas in honor of Sunny the puppy) and a longtime opponent of breed-specific legislation, told The Huffington Post she thinks this statement will provide a big boost.

Doesn’t surprise me one bit. Sure there are riots in Egypt and people on welfare are making more than the barstool writing staff, but Obama’s gotta worry about the big stuff, which is basically making sure we still know he’s black. I guarantee that if he had it his way he’d be chillin on the White House steps with a pitbull on a chain and a 40 oz of Olde English while Michelle played dominoes in the yard. Just bumpin some old Dre while The Wire plays inside on repeat. But since he can’t have that yet he’s taking baby steps with this pitbull stuff. And you know he’s absolutely bullshit that his family just got a dog named Sunny who is a “Portuguese Water Dog” whatever the fuck that is. This is just his subtle way of letting them know that they don’t have to live like the color of their house.

Chrissy Teigen In A Skittles Waterfall

I think this might be the best advertisement for skittles I’ve ever seen. I was literally in my kitchen whopper in hand about to take a bite when I clicked play. Next thing you know the whopper is in the trash and I’m at the gas station buying 14 fucking packs of skittles. Hot chicks laying in food should be a staple of marketing classes.

PS-Skittles blenders equals cum everywhere. Yeah you know what I mean.

What The Fuck Is The Deal With Amber Rose?

So obviously Amber Rose and Wiz Khalifa got married this weekend, an event that is not even remotely blog worthy, but I just want to know if I’m the only who thinks this broad is straight up, certified, ugly. I’m talking a maximum 4. So how the fuck does she date Kanye West for two years and then move on to Wiz Khalifa and somehow marry him? Did they forget that they are rich? Am I the one who’s crazy? I mean look at these pics.

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I mean I’m not even sure what I’m looking at here. I can’t understand how this is a debate. Amber Rose is just flat out gross. And before everyone says I just don’t like weird hair or whatever, I would fuck the shit out of Miley and Rihanna regardless of their hair. In fact I like Miley so much now that it borders on stalking. She could easily build a case for a restraining order based on some of my tweets. But I wouldn’t touch Amber with a fucking fifty foot pole. She’s just unattractive head to toe. What do these rappers see in her? She must  be an absolute monster in the bedroom. I mean she’s 5’9″ and has to be at least 170. Sure sure some of that is baby weight or whatever but still, I bet she outweighs Wiz any day of the week. She prolly tosses him around the bedroom and shit, smacking the blunts right out of his mouth while she grunts. Guess he’s just into that or something. I don’t know, my dick goes inside me just by looking at a picture of her.