New “Boyfriend Tracker” App In Brazil Is Scary As Shit

Huff Post: The app, called “Rastreador de Namorados” (Portuguese for Boyfriend Tracker), promises to act like a “private detective in your partner’s pocket.” Functions include sending the person doing the tracking updates on their partner’s location and forwarding duplicates of text message traffic from the targeted phone. There is even a command that allows a user to force the target phone to silently call their own, like a pocket dial, so they can listen in on what the person is saying.

First off thank god Google App Store just took this off the market, but undoubtedly it will be back with a new name. This basically will end any shot I have of ever busting a nut again. As soon as the girlfriend hides this in my phone somewhere it’s blue ball city for the rest of my life. Not only will she not fuck me, but now I can’t even drive around the corner to look up porn and jerk off without her silently calling my phone and hearing what sounds like me getting it on with some other chick. Sorry the sounds of Sasha Grey getting double penetrated makes it seem like I’m having an affair honey, but a guys gotta unload sometime. Can’t have that shit piling up in there, that’s how injuries happen and careers get ruined. So fuck you boyfriend tracker I hope you stay in Brazil.

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