KOBE BRYANT OUT FOR 6 WEEKS (KNEE)

Kobe Bryant

LA Times: The rash of injuries to Lakers point guards that has afflicted starters, backups and fill-ins alike struck Kobe Bryant on Thursday, the All-Star learning he will miss about six weeks with a broken bone in his left knee. Bryant initially shrugged off the injury he suffered Tuesday in the third quarter against the Memphis Grizzlies as a hyperextended knee, but an MRI exam showed he had broken the lateral tibial plateau. He stayed in the game after conversing with trainer Gary Vitti. Bryant’s injury comes only six games into his comeback from the torn left Achilles’ tendon that had sidelined him since April.

Real question here, is Kobe Bryant done forever? I mean obviously that would be a tragic end to an amazing career, but I have to imagine that if you are at the point where you are breaking bones in your knee without even realizing it that you don’t have very many healthy days left. And at 35 after being in the NBA since he was 18 Kobe’s body is not even remotely capable of healing the way it used to. Don’t get me wrong, I fully believe Kobe will be playing in 6 or 7 weeks, but one more injury like this a few games into his return and I think we may have seen the last of Kobe’s illustrious career. The skill is there, but his body has just flat quit on him after 17 years of embarrassing defenders on a night in and night out basis. Sad day for Kobe, sad day for Los Angeles.

IF JENNIFER LAWRENCE SAYING BUTT PLUG 80 BILLION TIMES DOESN’T TURN YOU ON YOU HAVE A CASE OF THE GAY

I’m not saying you 100 percent don’t like girls if you don’t get a boner from this video, I’m just saying you obviously are a gayball. Hearing Jennifer Lawrence talk about analing herself with 50 different size butt plugs for two minutes made me completely forget about the short hair and completely obsessed with knowing more about her masturbation habits. If that’s wrong I don’t want to be right. Love that she brought this up just knowing that absolutely no one would buy her “they’re for a joke” story. JLaw does anal and she wants the entire world to know it. I respect the hell out of that. Anytime she wants to talk about her hilarious times with butt plug mishaps I will be their in a heartbeat.

PS-How about Conan sneaking a “trust me I know” in there at the end. Eww bro I don’t want to know about your depraved ginger fucking sessions. Just ask Jennifer about her asshole and do your job.

JUSTIN BIEBER SO BORED WITH INTERVIEWS HE’S JUST MAKING SHIT UP FOR HEADLINES NOW….SAYS HE’S RETIRING

Huff Post: Is Justin Bieber retiring?! The 19-year-old pop star sat down for an interview with Big Boy for Los Angeles’ Power 106 station and made a statement that probably shocked lots of those Beliebers. “New album … uh … I’m actually retiring, man,” Bieber said. “I’m retiring, yeah.” “I’m glad you announced that,” the host responded. “I’m not gonna even play nothing else but that.” “I’m retiring, yeah,” he added, keeping a straight face. “I’m taking a … I’m just gonna take some time. I think I’m probably gonna quit music.” Apparently, it was all just one big joke, according to Gossip Cop. “Of course it’s not true,” a source told E! News of Bieber’s supposed retirement plans. Although it’s highly unlikely he will leave the biz for good, Bieber is looking to change some things up in his career.

Absolutely love it. The Biebs just announcing his retirement randomly during a totally legit interview. Probably just wanted to see 1 billion girls (and a decent number of guys) crying their eyes out for a few hours before someone told them it was a joke. Biebs has been at that glorious point for a while where he just doesn’t give a fuck, everything he says is liquid gold and people can’t eat it up fast enough. Smashing Selena on the reg, fucking sluts in other countries, causing girls to give up on life because “fuck it man I think I’ll retire or something.” That’s how Biebs does it. If you don’t like it, go back to 2010 because being a Bieleber in 2013 is not just a god given right, it is a blessing from above.

Sidenote- How boring must it be for Bieber to get asked the same fucking question 90 times a day for a year. Like oh Justin where do you see your career and musical future going? Umm he’s gonna keep putting out fire jams anytime he feels like it while simultaneously crushing the hottest pussy the world has to offer and dominating the internet. Or he’ll just retire man.

IS NICK SABAN TROLLING LANE KIFFIN?

LA TIMES: ESPN reported this week that former USC Coach Lane Kiffin was invited by Nick Saban to help evaluate Alabama‘s offense. USC fans would tell Alabama fans to expect a lot of “bubble screens” in the Tide’s Jan. 2 Sugar Bowl game against Oklahoma. The idea of Kiffin being a consultant to a coach who has won four national titles is pretty intriguing. Kiffin was fired by USC on Sept. 29 and eventually replaced by Steve Sarkisian.We’re not sure what’s behind this. Maybe Saban is trying to irritate Tennessee fans, who make it their daily ritual to rip Kiffin for leaving Knoxville for USC after the 2009 season.

There is no way in hell Nick Saban is actually taking advice from this jack off. Arguably the worst coach in the country who keeps getting solid jobs and everyone knows it. I’m guessing this is just Saban being Saban. Probably called up Lane and consoled him on the rough year, told him that every coach has their ups and downs, and then invited him out to ‘Bama to share some advice on the offense. Lord knows Saban loves to shake things up eats the same thing for breakfast and lunch every fucking day. I bet when Lane got there they put him in a film room with Saban and recorded all the advice he gave while all the assistant coaches stood outside the door laughing their asses off. It’s not like it would be hard for Saban not to laugh considering he can’t physically smile. He was just giving his staff a chance to laugh the one time they are allowed to a year. Nice troll job Nick, I’m thankful anytime someone makes Lane’s life more miserable. Fuck you Kiffin I’m glad you are out of here.

THESE GIRLS DON’T REALLY GET HOW LAWS WORK ON ASSAULT

Now I’m definitely no lawyer, but I’m pretty sure that when you follow a guy around the parking, poke him in the eye, and punch him, he’s allowed to swing back once or twice even if you are a girl. I’m not condoning hitting women, but if there was ever a bitch who had it coming it was this hobbit. I absolutely loved her range of emotions in this video though. She was screaming, laughing, crying, but mostly just threatening a guy who clearly wanted no part of her to stop touching her. I like how her friend was filming the whole thing from like 2 feet away just incriminating the short bitch. She walked away like “oh we will see you in court,” all bragging and shit. Unfortunately for her the girl is gonna get the assault charge…and in all likelihood a straight jacket as well. Power hump at 36 second mark!