Cameron Diaz Says Girls Shouldn’t Shave Their Bush…Eww

Gross Cameron…just gross. I understand that once you get to 41 and your vagina is ripped to shreds from every actor you’ve ever worked with you might want to consider hiding it with a little bush, but Jesus don’t ruin it for the rest of us by telling girls not to shave or wax. I hate hair on women. I don’t think that makes me creepy or anything I just legitimately don’t want a girl to have hair any place except her head. I know KO Barstool and basically every feminist out there probably thinks that that’s a bunch of chauvinism bullshit, but that’s just how it is. If you’ve got a jungle hairy pussy than I’m not going to fuck you plain and simple (unless you let me). Cam Cam needs to cool her jets here and let me coach girls on the appropriate way to handle your lady parts. Wax everywhere and use lasers if you have the money. End of discussion.

IF JENNIFER LAWRENCE SAYING BUTT PLUG 80 BILLION TIMES DOESN’T TURN YOU ON YOU HAVE A CASE OF THE GAY

I’m not saying you 100 percent don’t like girls if you don’t get a boner from this video, I’m just saying you obviously are a gayball. Hearing Jennifer Lawrence talk about analing herself with 50 different size butt plugs for two minutes made me completely forget about the short hair and completely obsessed with knowing more about her masturbation habits. If that’s wrong I don’t want to be right. Love that she brought this up just knowing that absolutely no one would buy her “they’re for a joke” story. JLaw does anal and she wants the entire world to know it. I respect the hell out of that. Anytime she wants to talk about her hilarious times with butt plug mishaps I will be their in a heartbeat.

PS-How about Conan sneaking a “trust me I know” in there at the end. Eww bro I don’t want to know about your depraved ginger fucking sessions. Just ask Jennifer about her asshole and do your job.

THESE GIRLS DON’T REALLY GET HOW LAWS WORK ON ASSAULT

Now I’m definitely no lawyer, but I’m pretty sure that when you follow a guy around the parking, poke him in the eye, and punch him, he’s allowed to swing back once or twice even if you are a girl. I’m not condoning hitting women, but if there was ever a bitch who had it coming it was this hobbit. I absolutely loved her range of emotions in this video though. She was screaming, laughing, crying, but mostly just threatening a guy who clearly wanted no part of her to stop touching her. I like how her friend was filming the whole thing from like 2 feet away just incriminating the short bitch. She walked away like “oh we will see you in court,” all bragging and shit. Unfortunately for her the girl is gonna get the assault charge…and in all likelihood a straight jacket as well. Power hump at 36 second mark!

THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FELT THIS MORNING

So I’ve been looking for an accurate way to express the exceptional hangover headache confusion I had this morning and I think this might be the best way. Everything that happened to me last night was a total blindside. I went out to the bars, predictably spent way to much money, but surprisingly met a reasonably attractive girl. Ugly in real life no doubt, but acceptable for someone who looks like me, particularly in my drunken state. I spent even more money on her drinks and at 2:30 a.m. it seemed like a done deal until suddenly she tells me she doesn’t hook up with guys on the first date. Ummmm bitch what the fuck this isn’t a date I met you 2 hours ago in this very same bar. What’s the point of getting to know me if we aren’t going to slam genitals at some point tonight? Needless to say she didn’t agree with me, so obviously I went home alone, cried while attempting to masturbate to brazzers, and then woke up this morning half naked, hungover beyond belief, and still attempting to piece together what happened the day before. Probably not far off from how the Bengals punter woke up this morning, minus the getting rejected by a bare minimum 4. Hope you fuckers did better than me.

Chrissy Teigen In A Skittles Waterfall

I think this might be the best advertisement for skittles I’ve ever seen. I was literally in my kitchen whopper in hand about to take a bite when I clicked play. Next thing you know the whopper is in the trash and I’m at the gas station buying 14 fucking packs of skittles. Hot chicks laying in food should be a staple of marketing classes.

PS-Skittles blenders equals cum everywhere. Yeah you know what I mean.

Get Pres This Baby Sloth And Get It Yesterday!

I hate animal videos for the most part but the moment this baby sloth started making noises I knew that if I don’t get to cuddle the shit out of him before I die I will have lived a pointless life. I’ll just hold out my arm and he can shimmy up and down it until I pass out from exhaustion.
Side Note-Pretty sure those are similar to the sounds I make when I’m required to do any sort of exercise, except for me there’s a lot more awkward sweat spots and shit in my pants.